Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
