I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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