It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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