I puked a lego.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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