im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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