I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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