We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
