if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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