i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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