i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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