Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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