my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
