so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want to fling myself into the sun
how drunk are you?
Several
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
