You just made me feel so damn special
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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