There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
