3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
