Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
