And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
