I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
