i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
