Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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