Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am never drinking with the goths again.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
