No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
