If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
PANTIES FOUND
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