i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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