we're chasing vodka with high fives
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
