I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
