do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
