I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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