I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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