1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
