is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
