can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
