You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
