she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
