there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
