I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
