I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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