so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
