She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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