The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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