my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's shark week go big or go home
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
