What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
