this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
