dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
