dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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