im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
