My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
