On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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