It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
