I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
