a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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