Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
