dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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