Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
