just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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