Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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