you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
