Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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