Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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