ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
